Second Violinist Hasn't Been Heard in 14 Years, Colleagues Unsure If He Still Plays
The musician, who sits at the back of the second violin section, has attended every rehearsal and performance since 2012 but has not produced an audible note according to stand partners, section leaders, or recording equipment.

Second violinist Harold Tacet has been a dues-paying member of the Bridgeport Chamber Orchestra for fourteen years without producing a single audible note during rehearsals or performances, a fact that has become the subject of quiet institutional bewilderment.
Tacet, who sits at the last stand of the second violin section, attends every rehearsal punctually, tunes his instrument to A440, opens his music to the correct page, and positions his bow on the string. He then appears to play for the duration of each piece without generating any detectable sound.
'I've sat next to him for six years,' said stand partner Viola Adjacent. 'His fingering is correct. His bowing is synchronized. His dynamic markings are highlighted in his part. But I have never heard a sound come from his instrument. Not once. I've leaned in during loud passages to check. Nothing.'
Conductor Maestro Allegra Vivace became aware of the situation in 2019 when a recording engineer noted that microphone three, positioned near the back of the second violin section, was capturing 'what appears to be silence with very good posture.'
'I reviewed the multi-track recordings,' Maestro Vivace said. 'Isolated his position. Pure room tone. But when I watch him during performances, he looks completely engaged. He turns pages. He counts rests. He even performs the col legno passage in Holst with appropriate stick contact. The bow touches the string. No sound emerges.'
The orchestra's personnel manager has raised the issue delicately on three occasions. Each time, Tacet responded that rehearsal 'went well' and asked about the schedule for next week.
'We can't fire someone for not being heard in the back of the second violins,' said the personnel manager. 'Half the audience can't hear the back of the second violins anyway. He's technically doing everything right except the fundamental thing. It's a philosophical problem.'
Tacet has been offered a private coaching session with the concertmaster, which he accepted 'enthusiastically' and during which, the concertmaster reports, 'he played beautifully and in tune for forty-five minutes. I have no explanation for what happens when other people are present.'
He remains a member in good standing.
AI-generated satirical fiction. Not real news.
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