Bird Feeder Territory Dispute Escalates After Squirrel-Proof Model Attracts More Squirrels

A territorial dispute between garden birder Patricia Nuthatch and the grey squirrel population of her suburban garden has intensified following the installation of a squirrel-proof bird feeder that has, by all accounts, proved to be the most popular squirrel feeding station in the neighborhood. The feeder, a weight-sensitive caged model marketed as 'impenetrable to squirrels,' was purchased for 85 pounds after Nuthatch's previous feeders were systematically raided by what she describes as 'an organized criminal enterprise operating from the oak tree.' 'The product specification says it closes automatically under squirrel weight,' Nuthatch reported. 'This is technically true. It closes. Then the squirrel hangs upside down from the cage and shakes it until seeds fall through the mesh. They've worked out the physics. It took them approximately forty-five minutes.' Within a week, the number of squirrels visiting the garden had increased from three to seven. 'The new feeder is apparently the best restaurant in the area,' Nuthatch said. 'They queue. I have watched them queue. There is an actual squirrel queue on my fence.' She has since installed a baffle, a cone-shaped device designed to prevent squirrels from climbing the feeder pole. The squirrels bypassed it by jumping from the fence. She extended the fence distance by relocating the pole. The squirrels learned to jump further. 'It's an evolutionary arms race,' said Wren Binocular, who has studied urban bird-squirrel dynamics. 'The squirrels will always win. They have more time, more motivation, and a caloric incentive. The bird feeder industry is essentially a squirrel puzzle industry. The squirrels solve every puzzle.' Nuthatch has ordered a new feeder described by the manufacturer as 'guaranteed squirrel-proof.' She does not believe this claim but has purchased it 'out of spite.'