Local Birder Identifies New Species, Turns Out to Be a Leaf

Amateur ornithologist Derek Plumage held a press conference Tuesday to announce the discovery of what he believed to be an entirely new species of passerine, which he had provisionally named Plumageicus magnificus after himself. The specimen, observed over a 14-hour stakeout in his local wetland reserve, was described in Plumage's hastily assembled field notes as 'approximately 12 centimeters in length, brown with irregular markings, displaying an unusual hovering flight pattern suggestive of a previously undocumented feeding strategy.' Dr. Wren Binocular of the Avian Research Institute reviewed Plumage's photographs and delivered a swift assessment. 'It's a leaf,' she said, holding up the clearest of the seventeen blurry images. 'Specifically, it's a partially decomposed sycamore leaf that got caught in a thermal. You can see the petiole quite clearly in frame nine.' Plumage initially contested the identification, pointing to what he called 'distinctive plumage patterns' on the leaf's surface. 'Those are veins,' Dr. Binocular clarified. 'Leaf veins. They're on every leaf.' The incident marks the third time this year Plumage has claimed a new species discovery. His previous submissions to the county bird recorder included a 'luminous nocturnal raptor' that proved to be a plastic bag caught on a streetlight and a 'melodious ground-dwelling warbler' later identified as a squeaky garden gate. Plumage has announced he will be returning to the wetland this weekend with 'better optics and an open mind.'