3D-Printed Dinosaur Skull Too Realistic, Frightens Cleaning Staff Into Early Retirement

A life-size 3D-printed replica of an Allosaurus fragilis skull, produced for a departmental teaching collection and left on a laboratory bench overnight, has been directly blamed for the early retirement of custodian Maria Espinoza, 57, who encountered it during her 11 PM cleaning shift and described the experience as 'the culmination of years of increasingly alarming encounters with things that should not be on desks.' 'I opened the door, turned on the light, and there was a dinosaur head on the table looking directly at me,' Espinoza told reporters. 'Full teeth. Eye sockets. The works. I said three Hail Marys, turned around, walked to HR, and submitted my retirement paperwork. I was done.' The skull, printed in photopolymer resin at a cost of $2,400, had been produced by graduate student Kyle Matrix as part of a cranial biomechanics study. Matrix acknowledged he 'probably should have put it in a cabinet' but noted that 'it's just a skull, it's not like it's going to bite anyone.' Espinoza disputed this characterization. 'That boy has never opened a door at 11 PM to find teeth,' she said. 'This is the same lab where I found a jar labeled "misc. bones" in the refrigerator next to someone's yogurt. The dinosaur head was my limit.' The paleontology department has issued a formal apology and implemented new guidelines requiring all skull replicas to be stored in labeled cabinets after hours and all refrigerator specimens to be 'clearly distinguished from food items.' Espinoza's replacement has reportedly been briefed on 'the general vibe of the fourth floor' and issued a headlamp and a list of which laboratories contain 'things with teeth.'