Museum Docent Has Been Telling Visitors Wrong Dinosaur Facts for 23 Years, No One Noticed

The National Museum of Natural History has launched an internal review after discovering that volunteer docent Gerald Moraine, 74, has been providing visitors with entirely fabricated dinosaur information for approximately twenty-three years, none of which was ever questioned or corrected. 'Gerald has been a beloved member of our volunteer team since 2003,' said museum director Dr. Felicia Strata. 'It was only when a visiting paleontologist overheard him tell a school group that Velociraptors could run at Mach 2 that we realized something might be off.' A subsequent audit of Moraine's tour scripts — which he writes himself and has apparently never submitted for review — revealed a body of dinosaur misinformation so comprehensive that staff suspect he has been 'essentially running a parallel educational program based on an alternative fossil record.' Among his claims: Stegosaurus plates functioned as 'biological solar panels that powered a rudimentary ocular defense system'; Ankylosaurus was 'technically an amphibian'; and the Chicxulub asteroid impact was 'caused by a particularly large pterodactyl that flew too close to the sun.' 'The Icarus pterodactyl story is actually quite compelling,' admitted Dr. Strata. 'Several children who heard it went on to develop an interest in paleontology, albeit based on completely false premises.' Moraine, when confronted, expressed surprise. 'I thought the job was to make it interesting,' he said. 'Nobody ever told me I had to be accurate. The kids loved the laser eyes thing. You're going to take that away from them?' The museum has implemented a mandatory fact-checking process for all docent presentations. Moraine has been reassigned to the gift shop, where his creative tendencies are considered 'less consequential.'