Oil Company Accidentally Discovers New Dinosaur Graveyard, Immediately Tries to Un-Discover It

Apex Energy Corporation has filed an unprecedented petition with the Bureau of Land Management seeking to 'formally un-discover' a paleontological site of 'catastrophic scientific significance' that its exploratory drilling operations accidentally uncovered in the Williston Basin of North Dakota. The site, initially flagged when a drill bit returned coated in what geologists identified as 'a truly excessive amount of fossilized bone,' appears to contain a concentrated assemblage of Late Cretaceous fauna spanning multiple taxa, including at least three articulated ceratopsian skeletons, numerous hadrosaur elements, and what preliminary analysis suggests is a near-complete Tyrannosaurus rex. 'We were hoping it was just one bone,' said Apex VP of Operations Linda Permian. 'Then it was a few bones. Then it was a lot of bones. Then the paleontologists showed up and started crying and hugging, and we knew we were in trouble.' The bonefield sits directly atop what Apex's geological surveys indicate is approximately $3 billion in recoverable petroleum reserves. Federal law requires that significant paleontological discoveries on public land be preserved and studied, a process that can take decades. 'This is the most significant Late Cretaceous multi-taxon bonefield discovered in North America since the 1960s,' said Dr. Raymond Alluvium of the Smithsonian. 'It will take a minimum of fifteen years to excavate properly. The scientific community is ecstatic.' Apex's petition argues that the bones are 'probably not that important' and proposes extracting them 'quickly and carefully' using 'standard mining equipment,' a suggestion that caused Dr. Alluvium to produce a sound witnesses described as 'involuntary and anguished.'