Offensive Line Admits They've Been Protecting an Imaginary Quarterback for Six Plays

The Denver Altitude's offensive line admitted after Sunday's 31-17 loss that they had been pass-protecting an empty pocket for six consecutive plays after failing to notice that quarterback Travis Spiral had been sacked on the first play of the second quarter and had crawled to the sideline. 'In my defense, I'm not supposed to look behind me,' said left tackle Brutus Wall, a 340-pound, 11-year veteran. 'My job is to keep the edge clean. I kept the edge clean for six plays. The fact that there was nobody behind me to appreciate it is beside the point.' Film review confirmed that Spiral was brought down by a delayed blitz on first-and-10, landing awkwardly and deciding to 'just kind of crawl off.' The offensive line, operating in a hurry-up no-huddle scheme, reset for the next play without checking the pocket. 'I heard a snap, I fired off the ball, I sustained my block for 4.3 seconds,' said right guard Hank Mauler. 'Textbook. Then there was no throw. I assumed it was a designed scramble. Then there was no scramble. I assumed it was a designed sack. Then I noticed the pocket was just... us.' The plays were ruled dead by the officials only when the center, having snapped the ball to nobody on the seventh attempt, watched it roll backward for 23 yards. The resulting safety gave Denver a deficit they never overcame. 'Those were six of the best-blocked plays I've seen all season,' said offensive line coach Gregory Trench, reviewing the film. 'The protection was flawless. We just had nobody to protect. It's a metaphor for something, but I'm too tired to figure out what.'