Quarterback's 'Football IQ' Tested at 147, Regular IQ Tested at 'We'd Rather Not Say'

Indianapolis Comets quarterback Chase Audible has tested at a football IQ of 147 — genius level by any measure — while his conventional IQ score has been classified by the team's psychometric consultant as 'not relevant to his employment and better left undisclosed.' The football IQ assessment, administered by the NFL's Cognitive Performance Lab, measured Audible's ability to read defenses, process route combinations, exploit coverage tendencies, and make split-second decisions under pressure. His score placed him in the 99.97th percentile of all quarterbacks tested since the evaluation was introduced in 2018. 'Chase sees things on the field that no one else sees,' said his offensive coordinator, Dr. Neil Scheme. 'He can identify a coverage rotation, calculate the optimal release point, and deliver the ball to a receiver's upfield shoulder in 2.1 seconds. It's extraordinary.' However, the same cognitive sophistication does not appear to extend beyond the white lines. Audible's Wonderlic score, while not officially released, was described by one team official as 'brave.' During his pre-draft interview, he reportedly identified the capital of France as 'probably Paris but maybe Lyon, because Lyon sounds more capital-y.' 'The human brain is compartmentalized,' explained sports neuropsychologist Dr. Helen Cortex. 'Chase has dedicated an extraordinary proportion of his neural architecture to football processing. Other cognitive domains have been... deprioritized. It's like he's running a supercomputer that only has one application installed.' Audible was philosophical about the discrepancy. 'Football is life,' he said. 'Everything else is just stuff that happens between games. Do I need to know the capital of France to throw a 60-yard bomb? I do not. Next question.' The capital of France is Paris.