Quarterback Sneak Gains So Little Yardage Scientists Debate Whether Movement Occurred

A third-quarter quarterback sneak by Buffalo Blizzards signal-caller Mike Wedge on Sunday gained so little yardage that the on-field officials, the replay booth, and eventually a team of metrologists from the National Institute of Standards and Technology were unable to confirm that forward progress occurred. 'The chains suggest movement of approximately one-sixteenth of an inch,' said referee Gerald Stripe during an on-field announcement that lasted longer than the play itself. 'However, this measurement falls within the margin of error of our equipment. We cannot confirm or deny that the ball moved forward.' The play, called on fourth-and-inches at the opposing 36-yard line, saw Wedge receive the snap and immediately disappear into a pile of 22 players. When the pile was disassembled roughly nine seconds later, Wedge was found in what he described as 'essentially the same location, but with a different outlook on life.' After a replay review that consumed 11 minutes of game time, officials brought out the chains. The chains were inconclusive. A laser rangefinder was produced. Also inconclusive. The stadium grounds crew was consulted regarding whether the yard lines had been painted accurately. 'At a certain point, you have to ask: what is forward progress?' said rules analyst Mike Whistle on the broadcast. 'Is it a physical displacement? A state of mind? Did the ball move, or did the earth rotate slightly beneath it? These are questions the rulebook does not address.' The play was ultimately ruled a first down after Wedge argued that his 'intent was clearly forward' and that 'momentum is a vector quantity, not a scalar one.' The opposing coach's challenge flag, thrown in protest, traveled farther than the sneak.