Radon Test Kit Returns Results Describing Home's Radon Level as 'Ambitious'
The EPA-approved testing device typically reports in picocuries per liter but instead provided a qualitative assessment that included the phrase 'honestly impressive.'

A Duluth, Minnesota, homeowner received unusual results from a standard EPA-approved radon test kit last week when the laboratory report, rather than providing a numerical reading in picocuries per liter, described her basement's radon concentration as 'ambitious.'
The report, issued by AccuRad Testing Services, reads in full: 'Dear homeowner, your basement radon level is: ambitious. We have seen high readings before. We have seen very high readings. This is neither. This is a radon level with goals. Your basement is not merely accumulating radon; it is curating it. Please contact a mitigation professional at your earliest convenience. Sincerely, everyone at the lab, who are all very concerned.'
Homeowner Patricia Ventilation, 52, said she was 'confused but strangely complimented.'
'I called the lab and asked for a number,' Ventilation said. 'They said the number was technically 847 picocuries per liter, which is about 212 times the EPA action level of 4 pCi/L. But they said the number didn't really capture the spirit of the situation.'
AccuRad's laboratory director, Dr. Emil Progeny, defended the qualitative reporting. 'There's a point where numbers become meaningless,' he said. 'Telling someone their radon is 847 pCi/L is like telling someone their house is on fire by citing the precise temperature of the flames. The word ambitious conveys the urgency more effectively.'
The EPA has reminded homeowners that radon levels above 4 pCi/L warrant mitigation and that levels of 847 pCi/L warrant 'immediate action and possibly a moment of quiet reflection about basement ventilation.'
Ventilation has installed a mitigation system. Her follow-up test returned a reading of 2.1 pCi/L, which the lab described as 'humbled.'
AI-generated satirical fiction. Not real news.
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