Argument Referee Hired for Couple's Dinner Party Declares Three Technical Fouls in First Course

A suburban couple in Bethesda, Maryland, has hired a professional argument referee to officiate their dinner parties after previous gatherings devolved into what they describe as 'conversational anarchy characterized by interrupted cross-talk, unsupported claims, and at least one ad hominem attack per course.' The referee, retired debate judge Professor Marian Adjudicata, was positioned at the head of the table with a whistle, a notepad, and what she described as 'decades of experience managing adversarial discourse in competitive settings.' 'First foul was called eighteen seconds into the appetizer,' Professor Adjudicata reported. 'The host's brother made an appeal to authority by citing a thing he read on the internet without specifying the source. I blew the whistle and issued a verbal warning.' The second foul occurred during the salad course when a guest named Richard committed what Professor Adjudicata classified as 'a blatant whataboutism' in response to a comment about local traffic. 'Someone said the traffic on Route 355 has gotten worse,' Professor Adjudicata explained. 'Richard said what about the traffic in Los Angeles. That's textbook deflection. I called it.' The third foul — a 'straw man with aggravating circumstances' — was issued when a guest mischaracterized another guest's position on restaurant tipping policy. 'She said Mark thinks servers don't deserve tips,' Professor Adjudicata noted. 'Mark said no such thing. Mark said the tipping system is structurally flawed. Those are different positions. I intervened.' Guests have responded with mixed feelings. 'It's weird having someone blow a whistle at dinner,' said guest Patricia. 'But honestly, the conversation was the best it's been in years. People actually listened to each other because they were afraid of getting called.' Richard, who received two fouls, has contested both. 'Whataboutism is a legitimate rhetorical technique when used comparatively,' he argued. Professor Adjudicata overruled the objection. The hosts have booked Professor Adjudicata for their next dinner party and are considering retaining her for Thanksgiving.