Man Who Says 'Let Me Play Devil's Advocate' Has Never Played Any Other Role

Marketing manager Derek Opposition has been exclusively playing devil's advocate in professional and social settings for approximately seven years, leading colleagues, friends, and family to conclude that he either has no genuine opinions or has hidden them so thoroughly beneath layers of contrarianism that they may no longer exist. 'I have known Derek since 2019,' said colleague Sandra Majority. 'In that time, he has never once expressed a position of his own. Every statement begins with let me play devil's advocate or just to push back on this. He pushes back on everything. I said good morning last Tuesday and he said well, is it though?' Opposition's contrarian habit extends to all areas of life. At a recent dinner party, he played devil's advocate for: the weather ('Is 72 degrees really ideal, or have we been conditioned to think so?'), the host's pasta ('But what if al dente is just undercooked?'), and the concept of friendship ('I'm not saying we aren't friends, I'm just questioning what that word really means in a post-industrial context'). 'It's exhausting,' said his partner, Heather. 'I asked him if he loved me and he said let me push back on the premise of that question. We've been together for four years. I still don't know if he likes me or if he's just advocating against the position that he doesn't.' When asked directly what his genuine position is on any topic, Opposition paused for approximately fifteen seconds and said: 'That's an interesting question, but I'd push back on the assumption that positions need to be genuine. Isn't all position-taking a form of performance?' 'That's not an answer,' the interviewer noted. 'Well, just to play devil's advocate,' Opposition began. A workplace intervention has been proposed, during which colleagues plan to present Opposition with a series of binary choices — coffee or tea, cats or dogs, morning or evening — and require immediate, non-contrarian answers. Opposition has agreed to attend but has reservations. 'I'm not against the intervention,' he said. 'But just to push back—' The sentence was not allowed to finish.