Philosopher Trapped in Infinite Regress After Asking Himself Why He Keeps Asking Why

Associate Professor of Epistemology Dr. Wendell Foundational has been trapped in an infinite regress since January 28th, after a routine bout of Socratic self-examination led him to question why he was questioning, then to question why he was questioning the questioning, and so on without terminus. 'It started normally enough,' said departmental colleague Dr. Iris Coherentist. 'He asked himself why he believes what he believes. Standard epistemological hygiene. But then he asked why he was asking, and why the asking mattered, and whether the mattering itself required justification, and now he just sits there muttering about foundations.' Dr. Foundational, who has not left his office in eleven days, can reportedly be heard cycling through variations of 'but why do I need a reason for needing a reason?' at approximately ninety-second intervals. The philosophy department attempted an intervention on day four, sending in Dr. Marcus Pragmatist, who subscribes to the view that inquiry can be terminated when it ceases to be useful. 'I told him to just stop,' said Dr. Pragmatist. 'He asked me why he should stop. I said because it's not productive. He asked why productivity matters. I said it serves human flourishing. He asked why human flourishing requires justification. I left.' Dr. Foundational's teaching assistants have been covering his lectures, though they report difficulty explaining his condition to students. 'I told them he fell down an epistemic well,' said TA Sandra Warrant. 'Which is honestly the most accurate description I can manage.' The university has placed Dr. Foundational on medical leave, a decision he has been unable to contest because any objection would require him to first justify the grounds for objection, which would require justifying the justification.