Crystal Healer Informed That Her Entire Inventory Is Dyed Quartz

Crystal healer and wellness entrepreneur Moonbeam Chalcedony was informed by a visiting geologist this week that approximately 95 percent of her retail crystal inventory consists of clear quartz that has been dyed, heated, or otherwise artificially treated to resemble more expensive minerals. 'That is not citrine,' said Dr. Bernard Mohs, a mineralogist who visited the shop while buying a birthday card from the store next door. 'That is amethyst that someone put in an oven. Real citrine is extremely rare and does not come in a bin marked three for ten dollars.' The assessment continued through the store's inventory with escalating dismay. Items labeled 'aura quartz' were identified as quartz coated in metallic vapor. 'Goldstone' was identified as glass with copper flecks. A specimen marketed as 'rare Himalayan phantom moldavite' was identified as green bottle glass. 'The only genuine mineral in this store is the granite countertop,' Dr. Mohs concluded. Chalcedony pushed back on the findings. 'Authenticity is a spectrum,' she said. 'The energy of a crystal is determined by its vibrational frequency, not by what a quote-unquote scientist says about its chemical composition. My customers feel the healing. That is the only peer review that matters.' When informed that quartz, dyed or otherwise, has a measurable vibrational frequency of approximately 32,768 Hz due to its piezoelectric properties, Chalcedony said: 'See? Science agrees with me.' 'That is not what I said,' Dr. Mohs replied. The shop's bestselling item, a $400 specimen described as 'fourth-dimensional rainbow labradorite,' was identified by Dr. Mohs as a piece of polished abalone shell. It has since sold out. Dr. Mohs has declined to visit the shop again, noting that the experience caused him 'genuine mineralogical distress.'