Man Insists Driveway Gravel Contains 'Museum-Quality Specimens,' Refuses to Let Cars Park on It

Suburban rock enthusiast Dennis Aggregate has declared his newly laid driveway gravel a 'significant mineralogical collection' and prohibited all vehicular traffic from using the driveway, forcing his family to park on the street and prompting a formal complaint from the homeowner's association. 'People see gravel,' said Aggregate, crouching over his driveway with a hand lens. 'I see a curated assemblage of sedimentary treasures. This piece right here? Fossiliferous limestone with visible crinoid stems. You're going to drive a Subaru over a crinoid stem? Over my dead body.' Aggregate, who ordered the gravel from a landscaping supply company for $340, has since spent an estimated 200 hours sorting, identifying, and cataloging individual stones. His inventory spreadsheet, which he maintains on a waterproof laptop stationed at the edge of the driveway, currently lists 14,847 specimens. 'Most of them are cataloged as CL-1 through CL-14,200, which stands for Crushed Limestone,' he conceded. 'But there are 647 that I've classified as Notable, including a piece I'm fairly certain is a Devonian brachiopod fragment. Fairly certain.' Aggregate's wife, Theresa, has been parking her car on the street for three weeks. 'I came home from work and the driveway was roped off with caution tape. He'd set up a folding chair and a thermos. He told me it was now a protected geological site and asked if I had my visitor badge.' The landscaping company has offered to replace the gravel with plain concrete at no additional charge, an offer Aggregate has declined, calling it 'the geological equivalent of book burning.' Aggregate is currently petitioning the city to designate his driveway as a Site of Special Scientific Interest.