Geologist's Children Refuse to Visit Another National Park After Learning Father Cannot Pass a Rock Without Stopping

The three children of field geologist Dr. Robert Outcrop have collectively announced that they will not accompany their father to any national park, state park, nature preserve, or location containing 'visible rocks of any kind' after calculating that his compulsive need to examine every outcrop reduces the family's average hiking speed to 0.2 miles per hour. 'We went to Yellowstone last summer,' said his eldest daughter, Olivia, 16. 'The brochure said the trail to Old Faithful was 1.5 miles. It took us seven hours. He stopped at every single outcrop. He stopped at road cuts. He stopped at the parking lot because the curb was made of interesting aggregate.' Dr. Outcrop denied that his geological observations slow the family down significantly. 'I stop briefly,' he said. 'I look at the rock. I identify it. I explain its significance. I take a sample. I photograph the outcrop with my field scale. I write a brief note. It takes five minutes.' 'It takes forty minutes,' corrected his son, James, 13. 'I've timed it. He says just a quick look and then he's on his knees with a hand lens talking about biotite. We've never finished a trail. Not once. We've started dozens. We have completed zero.' The family's youngest child, Sophie, 9, presented a handwritten chart documenting rock-related stops on their last five vacations. The data showed 847 total stops across ten days of hiking, with an average stop duration of 23 minutes. 'I like rocks,' Sophie clarified. 'But not seven hours of rocks.' Dr. Outcrop has proposed a compromise: family hikes where he is only permitted to stop at every fifth outcrop. His children have counter-proposed family trips to destinations with 'no geology whatsoever.' 'We're going to the beach,' announced Olivia. 'Beaches are geology,' Dr. Outcrop replied. 'The sand composition alone—' 'We're going to the mall,' Olivia corrected.