Geology Department's Field Vehicle Has Not Been Washed Since the Clinton Administration

The University of Montana's Department of Geological Sciences has confirmed that its primary field vehicle, a 1998 Chevrolet Suburban, has not been washed since its acquisition in 1999, and that the accumulated dirt on its exterior constitutes 'a continuous depositional record of over two decades of geological fieldwork.' 'This vehicle is a stratigraphic column,' said department chair Dr. Wallace Alluvium, running his finger through layers of caked mud on the driver's door. 'This bottom layer is Cretaceous bentonite from eastern Montana, 2001. Above that is Eocene volcanic ash from the Absarokas, 2004. The red layer is Triassic siltstone from Utah, 2007. Washing this truck would be like eroding the Grand Canyon.' The Suburban, which has 347,000 miles and has visited geological sites in 23 states, is visibly layered with sediments of different colors and compositions. Its original paint color — believed to be dark green — has not been visible since approximately 2003. 'A graduate student tried to wash it in 2008,' said Dr. Alluvium. 'There was a departmental intervention. Three faculty members stood in front of the hose. We may have overreacted, but the historical record was at stake.' The vehicle's interior is similarly preserved. The floor mats contain rock fragments from two dozen formations. The cup holders hold mineral specimens that have been there so long they are listed in the department's sample catalogue. 'There's a piece of Precambrian gneiss in the rear cup holder that I collected in 2005,' said field technician Sandra Drumlin. 'I've been meaning to bring it inside. At this point, it's part of the truck.' The university's fleet management office has repeatedly requested that the vehicle be cleaned, citing 'professional appearance standards.' The department has responded with a formal letter arguing that the dirt constitutes 'irreplaceable field data' and that cleaning the vehicle would be 'equivalent to destroying research materials.' Fleet management has given up.