Geologist Finds New Mineral, Names It After Ex-Wife Because It's 'Beautiful but Structurally Unstable'

Dr. Harold Schistose of the Colorado School of Mines has successfully named a newly discovered mineral 'Karenite' after his ex-wife Karen, describing it to the International Mineralogical Association as 'a striking specimen with inherent instability and a tendency to cause fractures in surrounding formations.' The IMA approved the name in its quarterly review, following standard procedures for honoring individuals who have contributed to the field. It was only after publication that committee members realized the dedication, which Dr. Schistose described as 'deeply personal,' was not entirely flattering. 'The mineral exhibits perfect cleavage along two planes,' Dr. Schistose wrote in his naming petition, 'and decomposes rapidly when exposed to pressure. Its luster is initially attractive but dulls considerably over time. I found it appropriate to honor someone with similar characteristics.' Karenite, a pale yellow borate found in evaporite deposits in Death Valley, is classified as monoclinic, meaning its crystal structure is 'fundamentally asymmetric,' a property Dr. Schistose noted 'with no intended symbolism whatsoever.' Karen Schistose, reached for comment, expressed mixed feelings. 'On the one hand, having a mineral named after you is a genuine honor. On the other hand, he described it as having a Mohs hardness of 2, which he absolutely knew I would Google. For context, your fingernail is a 2.5. He's saying I'm softer than a fingernail.' Dr. Schistose has begun fieldwork on a second mineral discovery, which colleagues suspect he plans to name after Karen's divorce attorney.