Geologists Confirm New Rock Type Is Just Three Existing Rocks in a Trench Coat

A specimen submitted to the Geological Society as a potential new rock classification has been determined, after three months of analysis, to be three previously identified rock types physically pressed together with no meaningful geological bonding mechanism. 'It's granite, basalt, and sandstone in direct contact,' said petrologist Dr. Sylvia Lithic, who led the review committee. 'They're not fused, metamorphosed, or in any way geologically integrated. They're just... touching. Someone appears to have wedged them together quite firmly.' The specimen was submitted by amateur geologist Percival Outcrop, who discovered it during a field expedition in Nevada and believed it represented 'a revolutionary hybrid lithology that challenges existing classification systems.' 'Look at the contact zones,' Outcrop urged during his presentation to the review board, pointing to areas where the three rock types met. 'You see igneous, sedimentary, and metamorphic material in a single hand sample. The geological processes that could produce this are unprecedented.' 'The geological process that produced this is called a rock hammer,' said Dr. Lithic. 'We found tool marks consistent with someone forcing these pieces into a roughly specimen-shaped arrangement. There are also traces of what appears to be Gorilla Glue.' Outcrop has vigorously denied manipulating the sample. 'The adhesive residue is a natural mineral cement,' he insists. 'Nature produces many substances that resemble commercial adhesives. This is well-documented in the literature.' Dr. Lithic notes that it is not, in fact, documented in the literature. The specimen has been returned to Outcrop, who has announced plans to submit it to 'a less biased geological institution.'