Plate Tectonics Denier Insists Continents 'Have Always Been Where They Are' Despite Overwhelming Fossil Evidence

Self-described geological contrarian Mortimer Craton has published a 700-page treatise titled 'Standing Still: Why the Continents Never Moved and the Scientists Are Wrong' in which he argues that plate tectonics is 'the biggest hoax in earth science since that time everyone thought rocks couldn't float.' 'Pumice floats,' Craton clarified during a self-organized press conference at a Holiday Inn Express. 'That was the previous biggest hoax. This one is bigger.' Craton's central argument rests on what he calls 'common sense.' He contends that continents are 'too heavy to move' and that the matching coastlines of Africa and South America are 'probably just a coincidence, like how my hand looks like a glove.' The treatise devotes particular attention to debunking the fossil evidence for Pangaea. Regarding identical Mesosaurus fossils found on both African and South American coasts, Craton writes: 'Has anyone considered that Mesosaurus was simply a very strong swimmer? We have no evidence it wasn't. The absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence.' Geologist Dr. Amanda Subduction reviewed the book at a reporter's request and noted 'approximately 2,400 factual errors, which is impressive for 700 pages — that's more than three per page.' Craton remains undeterred. 'Galileo was mocked too,' he told reporters. 'And he was right about the Earth moving. Which, now that I think about it, undermines my argument slightly. But the point stands.' The book is currently ranked #847,291 on Amazon and has received two reviews, both from Craton's mother, who gave it five stars but noted she 'didn't actually read it because it's very long.'