Area Man Emotionally Devastated After Learning His Prized Agate Is Actually Just a Dirty Marble

Amateur rockhound Gerald Cleavage has entered what his family describes as 'a mourning period' after a professional gemologist at the Tucson Gem and Mineral Show identified his most treasured specimen — a banded stone he has displayed on his mantelpiece for eleven years — as a glass marble covered in dried mud. 'It has chatoyancy,' Cleavage protested, cradling the marble in a handkerchief. 'Look at the banding. Those are clearly concentric layers of microcrystalline quartz.' 'Those are clearly concentric layers of colored glass,' responded gemologist Dr. Patricia Mohs. 'This is a cat's eye marble, circa 1994. It retails for approximately four cents. I'm sorry.' The marble, which Cleavage excavated from a riverbed in Montana during what he describes as 'the most transcendent field collecting experience of my life,' has been the centerpiece of his personal mineral collection since 2013. He had it professionally mounted on a walnut display stand with a brass nameplate reading 'Montana Agate — Exceptional Specimen.' 'I've shown this to hundreds of people,' Cleavage said. 'I gave a presentation at my rock club about the geological conditions that could produce banding this perfect. Twenty-three people attended. I served refreshments.' Dr. Mohs, who has delivered similar news to collectors before, offered measured sympathy. 'It happens more often than people think. I once had to tell a man his turquoise pendant was a painted pebble. He didn't speak for two days.' Cleavage has announced he will be submitting his remaining 399 specimens for professional verification, a process he describes as 'terrifying but necessary.' His wife has asked him to start with 'that suspicious-looking piece of quartz that I've always thought was a broken taillight.'