Man Discovers His Entire Rock Collection Is Actually Concrete

Amateur rock collector Dennis Basalt received devastating news at the annual meeting of the Twin Cities Mineral Society when a professional geologist examined his prized 200-specimen collection and determined that approximately 180 of the specimens are concrete. 'This is not rhyolite,' said examining geologist Dr. Ruth Outcrop, holding up specimen number 34. 'This is a piece of a sidewalk. You can see the rebar impression.' Basalt, who has spent fifteen years assembling the collection from various sites around the Minneapolis-St. Paul metropolitan area, disputed the finding. 'I collected these from the ground,' he said. 'Things that come from the ground are rocks. That's what rocks are.' Dr. Outcrop explained that concrete, while composed of natural aggregates, is an artificial material and does not qualify as a geological specimen. 'He has a lovely collection of Portland cement, gravel, and construction debris,' she said. 'Some of it is quite old. But it's not geology. It's infrastructure.' The twenty specimens that were identified as genuine rocks included twelve pieces of limestone from a garden center, five agates purchased at a gas station, and three actual field-collected specimens that Dr. Outcrop described as 'unremarkable but real.' Basalt was particularly distressed about specimen number 1, a large gray stone he found in 2009 and has displayed as the centerpiece of his collection under the label 'Precambrian Gneiss.' 'That is a cinder block fragment,' Dr. Outcrop said gently. 'A modern one. You can still read part of the manufacturer's stamp.' Basalt has announced he will continue displaying his collection regardless of its reclassification. 'They may be concrete,' he said, 'but they're my concrete. We've been through a lot together.'