Rock Collection Appraised at 'Sentimental Value Only,' Owner Devastated

Retired postal worker and lifelong rockhound Eugene Stratum has been left reeling after a professional mineral appraiser valued his 3,000-piece collection — the work of forty years of dedicated field collecting — at a total of $11.40. 'There are some nice pieces here,' said appraiser Diana Facet, choosing her words carefully. 'The smoky quartz cluster is pleasant. The geode has character. But in terms of market value, we're looking at roughly the cost of two fancy coffees.' Stratum, who has devoted approximately 15,000 hours and an estimated $47,000 in travel expenses to building the collection, sat in silence for several minutes after receiving the appraisal. 'I drove to sixteen states,' he said finally. 'I own seven different types of field hammer. I have a dedicated specimen storage room with climate control. The electricity alone costs $200 a month. And you're telling me the whole thing is worth less than a sandwich?' Facet explained that the collection, while extensive, consists primarily of common minerals in unremarkable presentations. 'He has forty-seven pieces of milky quartz,' she said. 'Milky quartz is the most common mineral on Earth. You can find it in any gravel parking lot. He has each one individually labeled with locality data, which is admirable from a scientific standpoint but does not affect the price.' The appraisal's highest-value item was a small tourmaline crystal valued at $3.50. The lowest was a piece of shale that Facet classified as 'technically a rock but functionally a piece of dirt' and valued at one cent. Stratum's wife, who has advocated for downsizing the collection for decades, was unavailable for comment but was observed smiling.