Man Returns From Vacation With 47 Pounds of Rocks, Claims Each One Is 'Different and Special'

Returning vacationer Philip Erratic arrived at Denver International Airport Sunday with a suitcase containing 47 pounds of rocks collected from various beaches, riverbeds, and roadside outcrops during a two-week trip to the Pacific Northwest, each of which he insists is 'completely unique and irreplaceable.' 'This one has visible feldspar phenocrysts,' Erratic explained to a TSA agent who had flagged his bag for manual inspection. 'This one is a basalt with vesicular texture — see the bubbles? And this one, okay, this one looks like a plain gray rock, but the way the light hits it when it's wet is transcendent.' The TSA agent, identified only as Officer Martinez, reportedly listened to seventeen minutes of mineral identification before clearing the bag. 'In my twelve years with TSA, I have never had someone explain the difference between gabbro and diorite to me with that level of enthusiasm,' Martinez said. 'Or at all.' Erratic's wife, Janet, who was carrying her own luggage plus the overflow rocks that would not fit in the checked bag, offered a different perspective. 'He packed three shirts and forty-seven pounds of rocks. I asked him about priorities. He said the rocks don't have a washing machine at home, so they need the suitcase space more.' The airline charged a $75 overweight bag fee, which Erratic described as 'a small price to pay for preserving geological heritage.' He has since set up a display table in the garage, where the rocks are arranged by lithology and locality, each with a handwritten label. 'Janet says they all look the same,' he said, adjusting a piece of serpentinite. 'But that's because she's looking with her eyes instead of her soul.'