Local Man Attempts to Sculpt Entire Town Council Out of Butter, Claims 'They Melt Under Pressure Anyway'

Harmony Creek, Iowa – Bartholomew “Bart” Higgins, 62, a retired taxidermist and self-proclaimed ‘artistic visionary,’ has begun a monumental (and frankly, slightly concerning) project: sculpting life-sized replicas of the Harmony Creek Town Council entirely out of butter. Higgins, who insists he’s “not making a statement, just…observing,” began the project last Tuesday, erecting a refrigerated tent in his front yard and acquiring approximately 800 pounds of dairy product. “They’re always talking about being ‘solid’ and ‘unwavering’ in their decisions,” Higgins explained, meticulously chiseling a particularly stubborn earlobe on what is presumably Councilman Peterson. “But let’s be real, a little heat and they crumble. Butter just…illustrates that beautifully.” The project has predictably divided the town. Mayor Mildred McMillan, who is currently being rendered in salted butter, issued a terse statement: “This is a waste of perfectly good dairy. And frankly, it’s unflattering. My nose is *not* that bulbous.” However, local art critic Agnes Periwinkle (who also runs the Harmony Creek Knitting Circle) offered a more nuanced perspective. “It’s…bold. A commentary on the ephemeral nature of power, perhaps? Or maybe just a man with too much time and access to a bulk dairy supplier. Either way, it smells delicious.” Authorities are reportedly monitoring the situation, primarily to ensure Higgins doesn’t attempt to sculpt the police chief. The sculptor remains undeterred, stating he plans to add miniature butter pigeons to represent “the constant barrage of constituent complaints.” The estimated completion date is…well, whenever the butter starts to go bad, apparently.