Goldman Sachs Accidentally Uploads Children’s Lemonade Stand As New IPO Prospectus

NEW YORK, NY—In a clerical error causing widespread investor whiplash, Goldman Sachs admitted Thursday to accidentally filing a lemonade stand’s business plan as a formal IPO prospectus, briefly inflating the valuation of “Fresh Squeeze Inc.” to $2.3 billion before anyone noticed it was run by three second graders in suburban Connecticut. “Someone in Legal clicked the wrong PDF,” said Goldman spokesperson Rena Habersham, noting that the file contained no audited financials, just a hand-drawn bar chart titled “How Much Money We Want” and a bullet point reading “Our lemonade is way better than Emma’s.” The market, predictably, did not wait for due diligence. Within minutes of the SEC posting the Form S-1, meme accounts and speculative traders drove shares of $FSQZ up 74% in after-hours trading, citing “unmatched lemonade unit economics” and “strong founder passion.” “I liked the part where they said they planned to diversify into Otter Pops and sidewalk chalk by Q3,” said retail investor Tyler D., who purchased 400 shares after seeing a tweet that read simply, “$FSQZ boutta squeeze.” The 8-year-old CEO, Max Wheeler, appeared briefly on CNBC, sitting on a booster seat while fielding questions about his burn rate and expansion strategy. “We’re saving up to buy a second pitcher,” he said. “Also, we think the sidewalk on Elm Street is underserved.” Max’s co-founders, twins Ava and Noah Hernandez, reportedly negotiated their equity split using Pokemon cards. According to their mission statement, which appeared in crayon, the company aims to “make thirsty people not thirsty and also maybe get a dog.” Despite the obvious signs, investors remained enthusiastic. “It’s rare to see this kind of authenticity in a founding team,” said tech VC Jana Lu. “Plus, their CAC is literally one cookie.” Goldman Sachs issued a correction by mid-afternoon, clarifying that the filing was “not legally actionable” and “probably contained at least four spelling errors.” Nevertheless, $FSQZ closed the day up 17%, with major brokerages adding it to their “Emerging Consumer Goods” watchlists. At press time, the team at Fresh Squeeze Inc. was reportedly reviewing acquisition offers from Snapple, Juicero 2.0, and one local dentist.