Local Man Attempts to Preserve First Date in Resin, Claims 'Emotional Integrity' at Stake

Bartholomew Finch, 37, of Oakhaven, is currently facing a minor code violation and a significant amount of marital counseling pre-emptively, after attempting to encase his recent first date with Ms. Delilah Bloom in a five-gallon block of epoxy resin. Finch, a self-described ‘romantic preservationist,’ argued the date – which involved a shared plate of lukewarm nachos and a prolonged discussion about the migratory patterns of garden snails – was a ‘peak emotional moment’ deserving of immortalization. “It wasn’t *going* well, per se,” Finch confessed, speaking through a lawyer (and occasionally reciting haiku about the fleeting nature of connection). “But it was… authentic. The awkward silences, the questionable cheese sauce… these are the building blocks of a life. To let them simply *fade*? Unconscionable.” Ms. Bloom, understandably, disagreed. She was reportedly extracted from the partially cured resin with the assistance of the Oakhaven Fire Department and a generous application of mineral oil. She has filed a restraining order and is seeking therapy. Local taxidermist, Agnes Periwinkle, offered a professional opinion: “Resin is for squirrels, not existential dread. Honestly, the man should have just stuffed the nachos. Now *that’s* preservation.” Finch remains undeterred. He’s currently crowdfunding for a larger resin tank, stating his next project will involve preserving his entire apartment ‘as a testament to the futility of domestic bliss.’ We at the *Taxidermist Times* wish him luck, and strongly advise Ms. Bloom to invest in a good locksmith.