Therapist Cannot Stop Analyzing Barista's Latte Art as Expression of Unconscious Conflict

Psychoanalyst Dr. Ingrid Projection has been banned from two Portland coffee shops after repeatedly interpreting baristas' latte art as expressions of unconscious psychological conflict, an occupational hazard she describes as 'impossible to control.' 'The rosetta is clearly a representation of the barista's relationship with her mother,' Dr. Projection told the staff at Artisan Brew on Southeast Hawthorne, pointing at the foam pattern on her oat milk latte. 'The symmetry suggests a desire for order in an attachment relationship marked by inconsistency. The slight asymmetry on the left leaf indicates unresolved anger. Has she considered therapy?' The barista, 23-year-old Sage, responded: 'It's a rosetta. I learned it from YouTube. It has nothing to do with my mother.' 'Everything has to do with your mother,' Dr. Projection replied. 'That's not an opinion. That's object relations theory.' The ban from Artisan Brew was followed by a ban from Morning Light Cafe on Alberta Street, where Dr. Projection interpreted a heart-shaped latte art as 'an anxious-preoccupied bonding style rendered in steamed milk' and suggested the barista 'explore the emotional valence of your pour technique with a qualified professional.' 'She told my employee he was expressing attachment trauma through foam,' said Morning Light owner Derek Drip. 'He'd been doing the job for three months. He quit that afternoon. She cost me a barista.' Dr. Projection's colleagues have encouraged her to view latte art as 'just decoration,' a perspective she finds 'therapeutically naive.' 'Nothing is just decoration,' she said, examining a tulip pattern at a third coffee shop she has not yet been banned from. 'The tulip represents emerging selfhood. The layers represent developmental stages. The fact that it dissolves when you drink it represents the impermanence of — excuse me, is the manager available?' She was asked to leave before finishing her sentence.