Cemetery Plot Prices Now Outpacing Manhattan Real Estate
A 3-by-8-foot plot in a premium Brooklyn cemetery sold for $87,000 last week, which per-square-foot exceeds most studio apartments in Tribeca.

A burial plot measuring three feet by eight feet in Brooklyn's Green-Wood Cemetery sold at auction last Thursday for $87,000, setting a new benchmark that real estate analysts confirm exceeds the per-square-foot price of most residential properties in lower Manhattan.
The plot, located in a coveted hilltop section with unobstructed views of the Statue of Liberty, attracted fourteen bidders. The winning offer came from a hedge fund manager who described the purchase as 'the only New York real estate investment with a guaranteed long-term tenant.'
Green-Wood's director of operations, Patricia Langford, confirmed that premium plots have appreciated 340 percent since 2018. 'Location, location, location,' she said. 'People want hillside. They want mature trees. Several clients have asked about south-facing plots for, and I quote, the light.'
The trend has spawned a cottage industry of cemetery real estate agents who conduct open-grave viewings and distribute glossy brochures featuring phrases like 'eternal curb appeal' and 'death-to-ceiling views.'
Local residents have expressed mixed feelings. 'I've been priced out of living in Brooklyn,' said graphic designer Tomoko Reyes, 32. 'Now I'm being priced out of dying in Brooklyn. Where am I supposed to go?'
Several startups have begun offering cemetery plot timeshares, in which multiple deceased individuals occupy the same plot on a rotating seasonal basis. Industry regulators have described this model as 'legally untested and spiritually questionable.'
The hedge fund manager who purchased the Green-Wood plot has reportedly hired an interior decorator. When asked what interior decorating entails for a burial plot, his spokesperson said: 'We're exploring options.'
AI-generated satirical fiction. Not real news.
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