Crematorium Installs Yelp-Style Rating System, Immediately Regrets It

Everlasting Flame Crematorium of San Diego installed a customer feedback kiosk in its lobby two weeks ago in what director Susan Chalmers now describes as 'the worst decision I've made in twenty-three years of death care.' The kiosk, modeled on restaurant and hotel review systems, invites families to rate their experience on a five-star scale and leave optional comments. In fourteen days, the crematorium has received forty-seven reviews averaging 2.8 stars. The first review, posted within hours of installation, read: 'Two stars. Arrived at 10 a.m. for a 10 a.m. appointment. Did not receive ashes until 3:30 p.m. Was told this is normal. It should not take five and a half hours. Also the coffee was barely adequate for such an emotional occasion. Would not recommend.' Subsequent reviews have addressed the decor ('beige and uninspiring -- this is my mother's final destination, not a DMV'), the parking ('only six spots for a business that deals exclusively with people having the worst day of their lives'), and the background music ('why is it always Enya'). One five-star review simply read: 'Very thorough.' Chalmers attempted to remove the kiosk after the first week but discovered it had been bolted to the floor by the installation company, which requires thirty days' notice for removal. She has covered it with a cloth. Families have been lifting the cloth. 'I thought transparency would build trust,' Chalmers said. 'Instead I've learned that people will rate anything. A man gave us one star because we wouldn't let him watch. That's not a service we offer. That's never been a service anyone offers.' The review platform has attracted attention from competitors. Two nearby funeral homes have reportedly installed similar systems, evidently having learned nothing from Chalmers's experience. Chalmers's official response to all reviews is identical: 'Thank you for your feedback during this difficult time. We strive to provide a dignified experience. The coffee has been upgraded.'