Death Certificate Lists Cause of Death as 'Vibes,' County Coroner Stands by Assessment

Hillsborough County Coroner Dr. Theresa Postmortem has defended her decision to list 'failure to thrive, nonspecific' — colloquially interpreted as 'vibes' — as the official cause of death for 94-year-old Evelyn Quietus, who passed away in her armchair on a Tuesday afternoon with no identifiable medical cause. 'Every test came back normal,' Dr. Postmortem told reporters. 'Heart was fine. Lungs were fine. Brain showed no acute pathology. She was, by every measurable standard, healthy. She simply appears to have decided she was done.' The death certificate, which requires a specific cause, lists 'failure to thrive, nonspecific' under ICD-10 code R62.51, a classification typically reserved for infants. Dr. Postmortem acknowledged the unusual application but maintained it was 'the most accurate code available for a woman who was medically sound but existentially finished.' Quietus's family has accepted the finding with equanimity. 'She told us at breakfast that she'd had a good run,' said her granddaughter, Lily. 'We thought she meant her morning walk. In retrospect, she meant everything.' The case has attracted attention from geriatricians, who note that deaths with no clear pathological cause are more common in the very elderly than the public realizes. 'There is a point at which the body simply elects to stop,' said Dr. Harold Terminus of the Mayo Clinic. 'We don't have a satisfying medical term for it. Vibes is as good as anything.' Dr. Postmortem has submitted a proposal to the WHO to create a new ICD classification for 'voluntary existential conclusion in the very elderly.' The proposal is under review. Quietus was buried on Friday. Her headstone, per her instructions, reads: 'That was enough.'