Man Pre-Plans Funeral So Elaborate His Family Suspects It's a Cry for Attention While Still Alive

Retired dentist Richard Bellamy, 68, has pre-planned and fully funded a funeral so extravagant that his three adult children have begun questioning whether the entire endeavor is less about honoring his eventual death and more about commanding attention during his remaining life. The service, detailed in a 47-page document Bellamy distributed at Thanksgiving, includes a horse-drawn carriage procession through downtown Portland, a string quartet performing an all-Radiohead setlist, a fog machine, personalized robes for all attendees, a 22-minute biographical film narrated by a voice actor Bellamy selected because he 'sounds like Morgan Freeman but is available on Fiverr,' and a release of 200 white doves timed to coincide with the final chord of 'Exit Music (For a Film).' Total estimated cost: $340,000. 'Dad is in perfect health,' said his daughter, Karen Bellamy-Torres, 41. 'He plays pickleball four times a week. His cholesterol is 160. He sent us this document with a cover letter that said, and I quote, Just so you know what you're dealing with.' Bellamy defended the planning. 'Everyone says they want to celebrate my life when I'm gone,' he said. 'I'm simply providing detailed instructions so they don't botch it. The fog machine is non-negotiable.' The document specifies seating arrangements, a dress code ('black, but fashion-black, not sad-black'), and a list of fourteen people who are explicitly not invited, with footnotes explaining why. Bellamy's son, Richard Jr., has begun attending therapy. 'My therapist says Dad is processing his mortality,' he said. 'I think Dad is directing a one-man show and death is just the opening night.' Bellamy has scheduled a 'rehearsal viewing' for March. Attendance is mandatory for family members. RSVPs were due last Tuesday.