Eulogy Ghostwriter Wins Pulitzer, Immediately Fired by Client

Freelance eulogy writer Martin Calloway, 56, was simultaneously awarded the Pulitzer Prize for Feature Writing and terminated by his client on Thursday, after his eulogy for Doris Pemberton of Akron, Ohio, was deemed 'suspiciously eloquent' by the Pemberton family. The 2,400-word tribute, which the Pulitzer committee praised for its 'devastating tenderness and structural precision,' was originally commissioned by Doris's grandson Kevin for $350 through the freelance platform EulogyHub. 'I asked for something heartfelt but normal,' Kevin Pemberton told reporters outside the funeral home. 'Something that sounded like a regular person talking about their grandma. Instead he wrote something that made the priest cry. The priest. He didn't even know her.' Calloway, who has written over 800 eulogies since 2019, said the Pemberton piece simply 'got away from him.' He described a breakthrough moment at 2 a.m. when he discovered that Doris had once driven a Buick across three state lines to deliver a casserole to a stranger she'd spoken to on a wrong-number phone call. 'That detail unlocked the whole piece,' Calloway said. 'Doris wasn't just a grandmother. She was a testament to radical, irrational kindness. I couldn't hold back.' The Pemberton family has requested a replacement eulogy. Their specifications include 'some pauses where it seems like we're getting emotional,' 'at least one grammatical error,' and 'a reference to her meatloaf that goes on slightly too long.' Calloway says he is considering retirement. 'The Pulitzer validates my craft,' he said. 'But the client feedback validates everything else about this industry.'