Man Pre-Plans Funeral, Spends More Time on Playlist Than He Did Planning His Wedding

Retired accountant Gerald Dirge, 72, has spent fourteen months meticulously curating the musical program for his own funeral, a project that his wife notes has received 'roughly forty times more attention than our wedding, which he planned in an afternoon.' The playlist, presented to his family in a leather-bound binder titled 'The Final Setlist,' spans 67 pages, includes 247 songs arranged in four acts with three encores, and features detailed annotations explaining the emotional arc of each selection. 'Act One is the arrival,' Dirge explained, flipping to a tabbed section. 'We open with Barber's Adagio for Strings — dignified, somber, sets the tone. Then we transition into a Fleetwood Mac block. Nobody leaves during the Fleetwood Mac block. That's in the contract.' His wife, Janet, confirmed the existence of a contract. 'He made me sign a document agreeing that the music will be played in its entirety, without skipping, at the volume specified in Appendix C,' she said. 'The wedding playlist was a Spotify mix he titled Good Songs.' The playlist includes several controversial choices, including a 'surprise track' in a sealed envelope that Dirge insists must not be opened until 'the exact moment specified in the stage directions,' and a closing number that he describes only as 'either deeply moving or deeply funny, depending on your perspective.' Funeral director Celeste Parlor of Evergreen Memorial reviewed the document and estimated the service would run approximately eleven hours. 'We've never had a funeral with intermissions before,' she said. 'But Mr. Dirge has been very clear: the setlist is non-negotiable.' Dirge is reportedly now working on the lighting design.