Mortuary Science Student Aces Anatomy Final, Horrifies Medical School Classmates With Enthusiasm

Second-year mortuary science student Iris Cadaver has topped the anatomy final at Westfield University School of Health Sciences for the third consecutive semester, earning a perfect score while simultaneously unsettling her medical school classmates with what they describe as 'an enthusiasm that goes beyond academic.' 'She talks to them,' said medical student Brad Scalpel, referring to Cadaver's behavior during cadaver laboratory sessions. 'Not in a weird way. In a polite way. Which is somehow worse. She introduces herself. She says good morning. She asked one of them how their weekend was.' Cadaver, who transferred to the mortuary science program after a brief stint in hospitality management, dismisses the criticism. 'My future clients deserve respect,' she told the student newspaper. 'The fact that they're pre-deceased doesn't change the standard of care.' Professor Henrietta Sclerosis, who oversees the anatomy lab, praised Cadaver's technical abilities while acknowledging the 'atmospheric concerns' raised by other students. 'Her suturing is impeccable, her knowledge of vascular anatomy is genuinely impressive, and her ability to maintain a conversational tone while performing procedures has been noted by the department.' The concerns escalated when Cadaver submitted her final project — a comprehensive preservation plan for a donated cadaver that included 'restorative cosmetic recommendations, wardrobe suggestions, and a mood board.' 'A mood board,' repeated Professor Sclerosis. 'For a cadaver. It was beautifully done. Earth tones. Very tasteful. But no one in the medical school has ever submitted a mood board for a final project, and we're still processing it.' Cadaver has accepted a summer internship at a funeral home, where she plans to 'bring the same energy.' Her classmates have wished her well from a distance.