Submarine Captain Challenges Surface Navy to Water Polo, Refuses to Surface for the Match

The commanding officer of the USS Nevada, a Virginia-class submarine, has issued a formal challenge to the crew of the aircraft carrier USS Nimitz to a water polo match, with the stipulation that the game be played at the submarine's current operating depth of 200 meters. 'We're down here, they're up there, and we've got the pool,' Captain Julia Fathom wrote in a message transmitted via extremely low frequency radio. 'If the surface fleet thinks they're so tough, they can put on some dive gear and meet us at depth. We'll provide the ball.' The challenge, which has been circulating through Navy channels for two weeks, originated after a friendly rivalry between the two vessels escalated during a joint Pacific exercise. The Nimitz crew had challenged the Nevada to a basketball game on the carrier's flight deck, prompting Captain Fathom to counter with what she called 'a venue we can actually host.' 'They have a flight deck,' Fathom reasoned. 'We have the entire ocean. Our court is bigger.' The Nimitz's commanding officer, Captain Ray Topside, declined the challenge on the grounds that 'playing water polo at 200 meters would require the players to withstand twenty atmospheres of pressure, which is not compatible with recreational sport.' Fathom responded: 'Sounds like a forfeiture to me.' The Navy's public affairs office has declined to comment on what it describes as 'an informal inter-vessel exchange that does not represent official Department of Defense athletic policy.' Captain Fathom has reportedly begun training her crew using a makeshift goal constructed from torpedo tube components. The crew's water polo experience is described as 'nonexistent but enthusiastic.'