Swim Meet Timer Disqualified After It's Revealed He Was Counting 'One Mississippi' the Whole Time

A volunteer timer at the Oregon State High School Swimming Championships has been removed from duty after it was discovered he had been timing races for fifteen years using the 'one Mississippi' counting method instead of the electronic timing system or, at minimum, a stopwatch. 'I thought it was an estimation-based role,' said Dennis Poolside, 67, who has timed approximately 200 swim meets since 2011. 'Nobody gave me a device. I assumed they wanted my best judgment.' The discovery occurred during the boys' 200-meter freestyle final, when Poolside submitted a finishing time of 'roughly fourteen Mississippis, give or take a Mississippi' for the gold medal winner. The electronic backup system recorded the actual time as 1:47.32. 'Fourteen Mississippis is approximately fourteen seconds,' said meet director Valerie Lane. 'The race took one minute and forty-seven seconds. There is a discrepancy of roughly ninety-three seconds. We are investigating how this was not caught sooner.' Poolside's records, reviewed after the incident, reveal a fifteen-year pattern of times that correlate to nothing in the known history of competitive swimming. A state record from 2018 is listed as 'eight Mississippis,' which would represent either the fastest 100-meter backstroke ever swum or a significant counting error. 'In fairness, I did notice my times never matched the scoreboard,' Poolside admitted. 'But I assumed the scoreboard was the one with the problem. Those electronic systems are notoriously unreliable. Mississippi counting is a time-tested methodology.' The state athletic association has revised its volunteer training materials to specify that 'all timing must be performed using calibrated electronic instruments and not, under any circumstances, the Mississippi method, the steamboat method, or any other colloquial counting system.'