Geology Professor Fails Student Who Called Magma 'Underground Lava,' Entire Department Divided

A tenured geology professor at the University of Washington has assigned a failing grade to a student who referred to magma as 'underground lava' on a midterm examination, sparking a departmental schism that one faculty member described as 'the most divisive nomenclature dispute since the Pluto incident.' Professor Ignatius Pluton deducted full marks for the answer, writing in red ink: 'Magma is magma. Lava is lava. The distinction is not optional. Calling magma underground lava is like calling a caterpillar a pre-butterfly. Technically adjacent. Scientifically unacceptable.' The student, sophomore Bryce Pebble, has appealed the grade, arguing that his answer demonstrated 'a correct understanding of the relationship between the two materials' and that 'underground lava is a reasonable lay description of molten rock beneath the Earth's surface.' The department is split. Supporters of Professor Pluton argue that precise terminology is foundational to geological science. 'If we accept underground lava, we must accept above-ground magma for lava, ice water for glaciers, and sky dirt for volcanic ash,' said petrologist Dr. Helen Mineral. 'The slope is slippery and the nomenclature is sacred.' Opponents, however, note that magma and lava are chemically identical and differ only in their location relative to the Earth's surface. 'The student understood the concept,' said structural geologist Dr. Marcus Fold. 'He used informal language. We are punishing clarity for the sake of jargon. This is how we lose students.' The university's academic review board will hear the appeal next month. Professor Pluton has submitted a 19-page brief titled 'On the Inviolability of Petrological Nomenclature,' which Dr. Fold describes as 'the most passionate defense of a vocabulary word I have ever read.' Pebble, meanwhile, has transferred to the oceanography department, where he says the terminology is 'less contentious.'