Pompeii Tour Guide Tired of Tourists Asking if the Volcano Is 'Still Mad'

Pompeii tour guide Alessandro Scoria has submitted a formal request to his employer asking for permission to stop answering the question 'Is the volcano still mad?' — a query he estimates he has fielded approximately 14,000 times over his twelve-year career. 'Three times a day, minimum,' Scoria told a local newspaper, his voice carrying the weight of accumulated geological repetition. 'We'll be standing in the Forum, surrounded by one of the most significant archaeological sites in human history, and someone will look up at Vesuvius and ask if it's still angry. It's a stratovolcano. It does not experience emotions.' Scoria's request included a list of the twenty most frequently asked questions about Vesuvius, ranked by 'how much they make me want to walk into the caldera.' At number one: 'Is it still mad?' At number two: 'Could it happen again?' At number three: 'Is it safe to be here?' — which Scoria notes is 'a reasonable question that nobody asks until they're already here.' 'I answer the same way every time,' Scoria said. 'Vesuvius is an active volcano. It has erupted dozens of times since 79 AD. It will erupt again. Whether it is angry is not a scientific category. But I have now said this sentence so many times that I hear it in my sleep.' The eruption risk is, in fact, a subject of active scientific monitoring. The Vesuvius Observatory operates continuous seismic, geodetic, and geochemical surveillance of the volcano, which sits eight kilometers from Naples, a metropolitan area of three million people. 'The monitoring is sophisticated and ongoing,' said observatory director Dr. Lucia Pyroclast. 'The volcano is not mad. It is a geological system operating under thermodynamic principles. Whether that is more or less reassuring than anthropomorphized anger is a question I leave to the tour guides.' Scoria's employer has denied his request, noting that 'engaging with visitor questions is a core job function.' Scoria has begun carrying a laminated FAQ card.