Volcanologist's Dating Profile Says 'Into Explosive Relationships,' Gets Only Geologists

Dr. Samantha Pyroclast, a volcanologist at the Hawaiian Volcano Observatory, reports that her dating profile — which describes her as 'passionate about explosive relationships' and 'looking for someone who can handle the pressure' — has attracted exclusively earth scientists, geophysicists, and one confused demolition contractor. 'I thought the volcano puns would be charming,' Dr. Pyroclast said. 'I did not anticipate that they would function as a filter that removes everyone except people who study rocks.' Dr. Pyroclast's profile, which features a photo of her collecting lava samples in a reflective heat suit, includes the bio: 'Looking for my magma match. Must be comfortable with heat, pressure, and occasional eruptions. Prefer someone with a stable base but volcanic energy.' Of her 47 matches, 31 are geologists, 9 are geophysicists, 4 are seismologists, 2 are geochemists, and 1 is the demolition contractor, who later admitted he thought 'explosive relationships' was 'a red flag I was choosing to ignore.' 'The conversations all go the same way,' Dr. Pyroclast said. 'They open with a geology pun. I respond with a geology pun. We exchange geology puns for approximately 45 minutes. Then one of us mentions our fieldwork schedule and we realize neither of us is ever in the same hemisphere long enough to have dinner.' Her most promising match, a seismologist from Anchorage, opened with: 'Are you a P-wave or an S-wave? Because you arrived before I was ready.' They exchanged messages for three weeks before discovering they were both scheduled to be on different volcanic islands for the next eight months. 'The irony of studying explosive events while having the most uneventful dating life in recorded history is not lost on me,' Dr. Pyroclast said. She has not updated her profile. 'At this point, the puns are the only thing keeping me going.'