Mechanical Watch Gains Three Seconds Per Day, Owner Gains Three Anxiety Disorders

Software engineer David Yuen, 35, reported Tuesday that his COSC-certified mechanical watch is gaining approximately three seconds per day — well within the Controle Officiel Suisse des Chronometres' tolerance of minus-4 to plus-6 seconds — and that this has given him three distinct anxiety disorders. 'Technically it's accurate,' Yuen conceded, refreshing his WatchTracker app for the ninth time that hour. 'But three seconds is three seconds. That's 21 seconds a week. That's nearly two minutes a month. Where do those minutes go? Who has them? I don't have them.' Yuen purchased the watch — a Longines Spirit COSC — six months ago after what he describes as 'extensive research into accuracy tolerances that I now realize was the first symptom.' Since then, he has developed what his therapist calls 'chronometric hypervigilance': a compulsive need to check his watch against atomic time references, paired with a growing conviction that three seconds of accumulated error represents a personal moral failing. 'I synced it at 8 a.m.,' Yuen explained, holding his watch next to his phone. 'It's now 8:04. And three additional seconds. Three. Why not two? Why not zero? What am I doing wrong?' Yuen has explored several remediation strategies, including positional regulation (sleeping with the watch crown-up), demagnetization, and what he refers to as 'stern verbal encouragement,' which involves speaking firmly to the movement through the caseback. Longines has confirmed that Yuen's watch is performing 'exactly as intended' and that three seconds per day represents 'exceptional timekeeping by any historical or contemporary standard.' Yuen described this as 'not reassuring.' He is currently researching atomic clocks for home use.