Chakra Alignment Specialist Discovers Eighth Chakra Located Directly Behind the Wallet

Holistic energy practitioner Solstice Ravenwood announced the discovery of a previously unknown eighth chakra on Tuesday, located — in what skeptics are calling 'a remarkable coincidence' — directly behind the back pocket where most clients keep their wallet. The chakra, which Ravenwood has named the Abundantia Center, is described in her new e-book ($34.99) as 'the seat of financial and material energy flow' that, when blocked, manifests as 'the persistent feeling that you have too much money and should give some of it to a practitioner.' 'The ancient texts almost certainly reference it,' Ravenwood said during a Facebook Live event viewed by 12,000 followers. 'There's a passage in the Upanishads that mentions a wheel of energy near the lower back. I interpret wheel as wallet, because wallets are round if you fold them.' Unblocking the Abundantia Center requires a 90-minute private session ($450), during which Ravenwood places crystals along the client's lumbar region while chanting what she describes as 'ancient Sanskrit mantras' that linguistics professors have identified as 'approximately four words of actual Sanskrit and a Whole Foods receipt read aloud.' Clients report mixed results. 'I felt a warmth in my lower back during the session,' said customer Tiffany Bloom. 'Afterward, Solstice said my financial energy was flowing freely. Then I checked my bank account and it had flowed freely toward her.' Ravenwood has dismissed criticism, noting that 'the seventh chakra was also controversial when it was discovered' and that she is 'already sensing the presence of a ninth chakra, located near the Apple Pay sensor on most smartphones.' A follow-up workshop on the ninth chakra is scheduled for next month. Early bird pricing is $275.