Finish Selection Paralysis Enters Third Year; Project Remains Unfinished in Every Sense

A walnut coffee table completed by hobbyist woodworker Amanda Prescott in March 2024 remains unfinished — in the literal sense — as Prescott enters the third year of deliberation over which topcoat to apply. The table, which features bridle joints, a floating panel top, and what Prescott describes as 'some of the best figure I've ever worked with,' has been sanded to 600 grit and sits in her workshop under a cotton dust cover, awaiting a decision that Prescott says she is 'very close to making.' 'Danish oil gives you that natural, in-the-wood feel,' Prescott said, reviewing a spreadsheet she has titled FINISH DECISION MATRIX v.17. 'But it doesn't protect against water rings. Polyurethane protects against everything, but it looks like plastic. Lacquer looks incredible but yellows. Tung oil is beautiful but takes six coats and three weeks. Shellac is traditional but dissolves in alcohol, and I do drink wine near my coffee table.' The spreadsheet evaluates seventeen finishing options across fourteen criteria, including durability, sheen level, application difficulty, VOC content, historical authenticity, and a column labeled 'will I regret this,' which currently reads 'probably' for all seventeen options. Prescott has applied test finishes to scrap pieces from the same walnut stock, producing a sample board containing so many test patches that her woodworking club has mistaken it for 'a piece of abstract art about indecision.' 'I've applied Rubio Monocoat to fourteen test pieces,' Prescott said. 'In fourteen different colors. It's excellent. But what if I should have used Osmo? I haven't even started testing Osmo.' Prescott's husband has placed his coffee on the table twice. Both times, Prescott intercepted the mug before it made contact, citing the absence of a protective topcoat. 'It's not a coffee table until it has a finish,' Prescott said. 'Until then, it's a sculpture.'