Ancient Astronaut Theorists Furious After Alien Artifact Turns Out to Be a Rock

The Xenoarchaeological Society of the Americas is in turmoil after comprehensive analysis of Artifact XA-7742, a xenolith recovered from a dig site near Nazca, Peru, has confirmed it is a rock. Not an alien rock. Not a rock that was once touched by aliens. Just a rock. 'The crystalline structure suggested extraterrestrial origin,' said Dr. Maren Schultz, who led the initial excavation. 'The geometric faceting was consistent with manufactured materials. The faint electromagnetic signature was intriguing. But after eighteen months of testing, we must acknowledge that it is a piece of andesite that happens to be shaped like a triangle.' The finding has devastated the ancient astronaut theory community, which had already incorporated XA-7742 into three books, two documentary series, and a feature film currently in pre-production. 'This changes nothing,' said Erich von Daniken enthusiast Keith Butterworth, who runs the blog AncientSpaceRocks.com. 'The fact that mainstream science says it's just a rock is exactly what the aliens would want them to think. Rocks don't just become triangular on their own.' Geologists have pointed out that rocks do, in fact, become triangular on their own with some regularity. The International Xenoarchaeology Council has issued updated guidelines requiring all future artifact claims to undergo a 'Is This Just a Rock?' preliminary assessment before formal cataloging. The assessment consists of three questions: Is it a rock? Are you sure it's not just a rock? Have you asked a geologist if it's a rock? Dr. Schultz has moved on to a new dig site in Turkey, where she has discovered what she describes as 'either an alien communication device or a differently shaped rock.' Testing is underway.