Entire Alien City Excavated, Turns Out to Be Their Version of a Parking Lot

A decade-long excavation of a subsurface structure on Europa, initially believed to be an alien city housing thousands, has concluded with the deflating revelation that the entire complex was a parking garage. The structure, designated Europa Subsurface Complex 1, spans 40 square kilometers and features hundreds of uniform chambers connected by ramps, a central ventilation system, and what appears to be a small retail space near the entrance. Xenoarchaeologists initially interpreted the chambers as residential units, the ramps as ceremonial processional routes, and the retail space as a temple. 'In retrospect, the signage should have been a clue,' said mission lead Dr. Keiko Tanaka. 'We decoded the inscriptions on the chamber walls four years into the dig. They read Level 7, Section G and Compact Spacecraft Only. We chose to interpret these as spiritual designations. We were wrong.' The 'temple' has been re-identified as a kiosk selling what chemical analysis suggests were snacks and cleaning supplies. The 'ceremonial vessels' found inside were cups. The 'sacred tablets' near the entrance were ticket machines. 'We spent $3.7 billion excavating, cataloging, and interpreting an alien parking garage,' said NASA's director of extraterrestrial archaeology, visibly tired. 'We wrote forty-two papers about the cultural significance of the ramp angles. The ramps are angled at the standard grade for vehicular ascent. That's it. That's the significance.' The discovery has prompted soul-searching in the field. 'We see what we want to see,' admitted Dr. Tanaka. 'We wanted a city. We found a parking lot with a snack bar. The lesson is that even alien civilizations built boring infrastructure, and boring infrastructure dominates the built environment regardless of species.' The snack kiosk is now the subject of a separate, much smaller excavation. 'At least the snack wrappers might tell us something about their diet,' Dr. Tanaka said. 'Unless they're just napkins.'