Man Attends First Yoga Class, Discovers He Has Been Breathing Wrong for 38 Years

Accountant Gerald Flemming, 38, attended his first yoga class on Monday and was informed within the opening five minutes that he has been breathing incorrectly for his entire adult life. 'The instructor said to take a deep belly breath,' Flemming recounted, his voice unsteady. 'I took what I thought was a deep belly breath. She looked at me and said, you're reverse breathing. Your diaphragm is going the wrong way. She said it like she was telling me my shoes were on the wrong feet. Casually. As though the revelation that I've been doing the most basic human function backward for nearly four decades was a minor note.' Instructor Willow Ashfield confirmed the diagnosis. 'Gerald is what we call a paradoxical breather. When he inhales, his belly contracts instead of expanding. His body has been working against itself for decades. It's actually impressive that he's alive.' Flemming reports that the revelation has cascaded into a broader crisis of confidence regarding his body's autonomous functions. 'If I've been breathing wrong, what else am I doing wrong? Am I blinking correctly? Is my heart beating in the right direction? I called my doctor and she said hearts don't beat in directions, which isn't the reassurance she thinks it is.' Flemming has since enrolled in a six-week pranayama course to 'relearn the thing I was supposed to have been born knowing.' His progress has been described by Ashfield as 'slow but increasingly in the correct direction.' 'Last class, his diaphragm went the right way for about three breaths before reverting,' Ashfield said. 'Three correct breaths in 38 years. We're building on that.' Flemming's wife has been supportive, though she concedes she now watches him sleep 'to make sure his chest is going up and down in the right order.'