Yoga Pants Officially Outnumber Regular Pants in US, Census Bureau Reports

The U.S. Census Bureau's supplemental textile survey has confirmed what department stores have long suspected: yoga pants now outnumber all other forms of lower-body garments in the United States, constituting 51 percent of pants in American households. The finding, published in the bureau's quarterly 'American Textile Profile,' marks the first time a single garment category has achieved majority status since blue jeans in 1978. 'We've been tracking this trend for a decade,' said Dr. Helen Marsh, the bureau's chief textile statistician. 'Yoga pant ownership has increased 340 percent since 2015. At current growth rates, they will constitute 100 percent of American legwear by 2034, at which point we will presumably stop calling them yoga pants and just call them pants.' The Bureau of Labor Statistics has preemptively reclassified yoga pants as 'standard informal trousers' in its Consumer Price Index, a decision that has outraged yoga purists. 'Calling them just pants erases their spiritual significance,' said yoga apparel designer Luna Threadwell. 'These aren't pants. They're a wearable expression of one's commitment to flexibility, mindfulness, and the $128 price point.' Industry analysts note that the vast majority of yoga pants in America have never been worn to a yoga class. A Lululemon-funded study found that the primary use cases for yoga pants are, in order: grocery shopping, working from home, brunch, 'running errands,' and 'pretending I'm going to go to yoga later.' Actual yoga constituted 3 percent of yoga pant usage. 'The garment has transcended its purpose,' said fashion historian Dr. Marcus Aurelius Chen. 'It's like how most people who own hiking boots have never hiked. Yoga pants are aspirational loungewear. They say: I could be doing yoga right now. I'm choosing not to. And I look great.'