Local Yogi Achieves Enlightenment, Loses It Immediately in Whole Foods Parking Lot

Certified yoga instructor and self-described 'spiritual entrepreneur' Brenna Hartwell announced Tuesday that she achieved full enlightenment during a heated vinyasa class at CorePower Yoga, experienced approximately fourteen minutes of cosmic unity with all living beings, and then lost it entirely when a Subaru Outback cut her off in the Whole Foods parking lot. 'I felt the dissolution of the ego,' Hartwell told reporters, her voice oscillating between transcendent calm and residual parking lot rage. 'I was one with the universe. My chakras were aligned. My prana was flowing. And then this guy in a Patagonia vest just swooped into my spot. MY spot. I had my blinker on.' Witnesses report that Hartwell's return to mundane consciousness was immediate and vocal. 'She went from radiating inner peace to laying on the horn in about 0.3 seconds,' said fellow shopper Marcus Dean. 'She was yelling something about karma, but I don't think she meant it in the spiritual sense.' Hartwell's guru, Swami Pradeep of the Desert Lotus Ashram, offered perspective. 'Enlightenment is not a destination but a journey,' he said. 'Some journeys include detours through parking lots. The important thing is that Brenna recognized her attachment to the parking space and will use this as a growth opportunity.' Hartwell has since returned to her practice, adding a 20-minute post-class meditation specifically designed to 'pre-emptively neutralize parking lot energy.' She has also purchased a reserved parking pass. 'I'm not taking any chances,' she said. 'Enlightenment is beautiful, but a guaranteed spot is peace of mind.'