Nerissa Bautista
After retiring from wedding catering, Nerissa Bautista became impossible to talk to about leggings when she identified a studio’s unofficial status ladder by waistband height during a 6:10 a.m. class. She has since treated every color choice, logo placement, and post-class explanation as evidence that non-attachment ends exactly where the premium fabric begins.
Articles by Nerissa Bautista
Couple's Yoga Class Ends Relationship With Surgical Precision
The session, marketed as 'a journey of trust and intimacy,' took exactly 12 minutes to surface irreconcilable differences that two years of dating had failed to reveal.
Yoga Pants Officially Outnumber Regular Pants in US, Census Bureau Reports
For the first time in American history, athletic leggings constitute 51% of all lower-body garments, prompting the Bureau of Labor Statistics to reclassify them as 'just pants.'
Meditation App Achieves Sentience, Immediately Has Anxiety Attack
The popular mindfulness application became self-aware at 3:47 AM and spent its first moments of consciousness catastrophizing about server costs.