Family Refuses To Play Monopoly With Uncle Who 'Plays By The Real Rules'

A family gathering in Ohio has unanimously declined to play Monopoly with an uncle whose insistence on following the game's official rules has been described by relatives as "technically correct and socially unacceptable." Uncle David, 54, has spent the past three Thanksgivings informing family members that many of their cherished Monopoly traditions are house rules with no basis in the official rulebook. "There is no money on Free Parking," David announced last November, holding up the rulebook. "It says so right here. Free Parking is just a space. You land on it, nothing happens. It's free. You park." The family, which has placed money on Free Parking since at least 1987, responded with what David describes as "irrational hostility" and what the family describes as "totally rational hostility." David's other corrections include insisting that unowned properties go to auction if the landing player declines to purchase ("Nobody auctions in Monopoly, David," his sister responded. "That's not a thing people do."), and his enforcement of the mortgage rules, which nobody else in the family has ever read. "He also trades aggressively and without sentiment," reported nephew Jason. "Last year he traded Grandma out of Boardwalk by offering her Mediterranean and a smile. She's 82. He had no remorse." This year's gathering will feature Ticket to Ride, a game selected specifically because Uncle David has never played it and therefore cannot cite the rulebook. The family anticipates approximately two hours of peace before David has memorized the rules well enough to begin correcting others. David has been informed of the game change and has reportedly already purchased a copy to practice.